I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
