so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Damn victory sex feels great
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
