party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
