The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
