3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
