His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
