is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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