i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Holy shit dude........stairs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
