...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
