That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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