Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
