thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
