No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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