So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
