Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
