Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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