u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you would pick up someone in the library
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
