Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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