Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
