I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
