I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
