break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
