Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize