I wish life had little blips of pornography
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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