Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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