my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
