Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
