Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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