First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
