We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
