My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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