highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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