i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
