i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
