I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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