My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
