it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
