Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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