A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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