he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize