brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
