Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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