The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize