Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
