If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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