got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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