Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All I want is dick and wine.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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