you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She bit a glass in half.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
