I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
