I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
