they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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