My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
