remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
