i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
