Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize