You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
