Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize