i think my tv is drunk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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