if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
