it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
