You're so nebulous sometimes
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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