how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
