Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
