I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
