i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
