I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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