I wish I could punch you in the face.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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