Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
