Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
